http://www.bbspot.com/News/2010/02/facebook-annoyances.html

Too funny... *grin*

This is the gal that resisted joining fb until her nephew bugged her repeated.  And pointed out it was an easier way to bore, I mean share baby pics.  *chuckle*

(I actually ask my teen & college age nephews and nieces if they want to friend me on facebook.  I *know* they probably want to post things that the family can't see!  I recall what trouble I got into during the college years.  Glad not to have had that documented!  Well...other than some irc logs maybe.  *laugh*)

Big News!  ELANOR ROLLED OVER!  Woohoo!

Of course, this happened on Saturday and she hasn't done it since!  *laugh*  She did it three times.  And not once since then.  But it is still so exciting.

She also did her first raspberry yesterday.  *chuckle*  It was wonderful.  She did it on a walk with Paul so I didn't hear the first.  But she was kind enough to repeat it later in the day so I got to hear it when I was done with work.

For the three day weekend, we went to Maryland to visit Elanor' godmother and Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Devin.  We also got to see her Aunt Tee, Uncle Rodney and her cousins Amanda and Erika.  It was really wonderful. 

Jennifer and Devin are so good to us when we visit.  It is nice getting away.  And they are so understanding about everything.  So the trip is always a pleasure.

It is amazing how well Elanor sleeps at their house.  I think that is in part because it is so dark & quiet during the night.  Her feedings seem to change.  We feed her about 9-10, then I fall asleep and don't wake til 1-2.  Then she sleeps in til 8:30-9 which is so great when we are relaxing.  I don't think that is a good sleep schedule at home, but there it really works well.

I am hoping Elanor will actually roll over again while she is at home!  It would be good.  Though on the flip side, the more she rolls, the more mobile she is, which is scary!  *laugh*  The nice thing now is that if we put her down, we know she will be there.  But we are careful not to put her anywhere she could roll off of. 

She is such a beautiful and good natured baby.  I have to admit that we lucked out completely.

At home she tends to have her last feeding about 12-1.  Then she gets up at about 7:30 on days when I am working from home.  Weds. & Thurs. I have to wake her at 6 so I can get to work on time.  Given she is a slow eater, it takes about an hour to feed her.  So I don't get to sleep until 1-2:30.  Most nights I am trying to get some sleep from 10:30-11.  But some nights that doesn't happen. 

Still, getting 4 1/2 to 5 hours is better than a lot of parents this age.  I am still getting up for nearly every feeding though.  Even on weekends I don't tend to skip a feeding.  It is hard with breastfeeding.  I might have Paul do a morning feeding this weekend just so I can get some extra sleep. 

Paul is fantastic about offering to help with things.  He really is great.  And it is so reassuring having him at home with her.  I just should take him up more on offers to help.  *smile*

I started this in the morning and just now am finishing when I am leaving the office in less than a half hour.  And of course I still have a ton to do.  I am debating bringing work home.  *sigh*  There just always is more work to do.  And I would rather get to appreciate the time I am home.

I hate shots.  I hate seeing Elanor get them.  It is so terrible.

Today was the three month checkup, complete with more shots!  It really sucks that Elanor keeps having to get shots every time she goes to the pediatrician.  *sigh*

The sound Elanor made after the shots was indescribable. It breaks my heart to hear it.  Though her cries as so different that even the doctor looked a bit bewildered by it.  I can't figure out words for it, but it was sharp, high pitched, sharp sounds.  Not any typical baby cries she has.

I really wish I knew what to do to make it better.  I know I am not supposed to get stressed because she can sense it.  But it is hard not to feel badly.

I wish I believed all these shot were needed.  But I really don't.  I know some are, but I do feel concerned by the number increasing as greatly as it has.

Elanor is current sleeping against my chest.  I really hope that being close helps at least a bit.  The doctor has us giving her baby Tylenol every 4 hours.

The last batch of shots she was tender and more sensitive for the rest of the day (and maybe some of the next).  I am hoping she is okay today.  *crosses fingers*

On the plus side, she is up to 12 lbs 12 oz.  So she is growing well. The nurse said she was 23".  But Paul and I think she was wrong.  She was at least 24".  We saw where she came to in the measuring mat. 

We had issues with the measurements last time too.  The biggest was that the head circumference went down!!  I did it at home the next day and it was at least an inch larger!  This time I was watching and believe it was 15 1/2", but the nurse wrote down less than that.  *shrugs* 

I am glad she doesn't have to go back for a month.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I hope I can get in a little post before Elanor wakes for lunch.

I am so happy I have this week off. It is good getting to spend time with her. I am not looking forward to being back to work on Monday. But I am glad I have a supportive department and that I can work three days from home. It helps so much!

Monday Paul has to see a client so we will need someone here for the day. We are interviewing a couple more people tomorrow. There are already two people I like. But we need at least 3 as we will be calling people on short notice.

I confess I am completely bewildered by some people who contacted me. One woman called at 11 last night!! Who calls someone with a three month old at that hour?!! I don't even call my family and friends after 9. You just do not do that. I wrote her via mail to say it was unprofessional. Thanks but no thanks!!

Paul is having trouble that the applicants are so young. But I know given what we can afford to pay and that it isn't a full time thing, it is very likely we will have young applicants. I still figure some of them have more experience with babies than I do! *chuckle*

Elanor is three months old as of yesterday! I can't believe it. The time has flown by. She is growing and developing so beautifully.

Christmas was lovely. Paul and I stayed at home with Elanor. Paul has wanted to skip traveling on the holidays since before we got married. I had resisted. But with a child, I can't see dragging them away for Christmas. I figured if we didn't start this year, it would just get worse. It was great getting to spend the day just the three of us.

Though it doesn't mean we didn't travel! Christmas eve was spent with her godfather Kyle and his family. They do a big Italian style dinner. His dad cooks for days before it. It is so much fun.

Though much to our surprise, Elanor did not deal well with it. She cried and was pretty unhappy. She had been good about people before then. Though Kyle did point out that his family is pretty loud. Also, it was a lot of noise and activity. She was also struggling with some gas. So we took her home after dinner.

The two days after Christmas were spent seeing family. We went to southern NJ to see Paul's family. It was a lot of fun and we stayed much later than we had anticipated. It is great with Paul's family as everyone wants to hold Elanor! Her aunts were even clamoring to change her diapers! *laugh* I love it. It is so great that Elanor gets to spend time with them.

Some of the youngest of her cousins from Paul's side of the family were there. Summer is the youngest of the ones on Paul's dad's kids. And she is 17! It is sorta amazing. Reed & Summer were the only two cousins there. And they both were great with her. It is amazing to see Reed with her. He is not a small guy (has a football scholarship at college). Yet he was so great with her. Turns out they both babysat so they are amazing. Didn't hand Elanor back when she started to fuss or anything. They just tried to make her happy. It was great.

My family was the next day. The trip to CT is definitely shorter which is good. On my side there are a lot of littles! Elanor is currently the youngest of the lot, but that probably won't be the case forever. Zachary is only 7 months. The next is Leah who is a bit over a year. Trinity just turned two and George III is just shy of three. So there are a lot of kids there. Three of the other kids are in their teens.

She did really well at my family's as well. I am impressed with how well she handled both places. She didn't seem to mind the change in routine. Though I really shouldn't have done two days in a row where I wasn't breast feeding for every meal. Because Elanor takes about 30 minutes per breast on each side plus a bottle, it means feeding her from the breast takes about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Yipes! So we brought expressed milk and formula for her feedings. I did some on the breast, but not as much.

I am feeling like there was a dip in my milk supply because of it. But I am hoping that since I am home this week and not working, we can get things back to normal. Yesterday seemed fine which is good.

It will be so wonderful bringing in the new year with Elanor and Paul. It really is a whole new era and such a change in everything. It amazes me to no end. Last New Years Elanor was little more than a collection of cells. Now she is an amazing little girl. It is truly astounding how this works.

Yah, yah. I know. So corny and all. But it does amaze me how babies develop. And she really is so very precious to me.

Wow. I got a lot written. I am stunned. *laugh* But it time to wake the munchkin and get her fed. She is definitely Paul's daughter on the eating front! She will sleep through meals if we let her and become lethargic if we let her. Actually she will sleep *while* eating too!! *laugh* Never been my problem. *grin*

You know, I really thought I would be posting here all about Elanor. But what time I have is being filled with Elanor and work. There are days that go by when I am not even checking my mail, much less writing anything.

I wish I had a choice about going back to work. But I don't. So I am back. It has been challenging. But at least I know Paul is taking care of her which really helps.

We are looking at people to watch her when he has to see clients. We met a few people through care.com. I am really happy with two of the people. We need to meet more since this is on call care. You don't know when people will be free. So we need at least 3-4 people who we can call on in hopes that one will be available when Paul calls.

Elanor got an amazing present!! One of the field reps I work with got her a signed copy of a children's book, Jeremy Draws a Monster by Peter McCarty. It is inscribed to Elanor (spelled correctly). It also has two drawings on the page as well of the two main characters! It is so awesome! It isn't a Penguin title either. So that makes it all the more amazing. I love Karl. He is an amazing guy and a sweetheart! I read the book to her last night, the day we got it. *smile* She really seemed to enjoy it.

I can't believe Christmas is nearly here! I am completely unprepared. Though I think people know that Paul and I really won't be giving gifts this year. I should have done all that before the baby was born. But with preparing for her, shopping didn't happen. I am certain people will understand all too well. I also think this begins us not getting gifts. They will all go to Elanor which is just fine with me! *grin*

It is funny because I love the holidays and had always been big on pressies. Now, it doesn't matter to me. I got something for Paul, but not anything as big as what we would normally do. Money is tight this year. But I was glad to get him something. With Elanor we said we were just going to wrap diapers and formula given she really doesn't care at this age. But while we were shopping I saw some toys which had to come home with us. *laugh*

Elanor is truly amazing. And I am not just saying that because I am her mom. She is such a good natured baby. She has been sleeping a good chunk a night (about 4-5 hours) for nearly a month now. That is good for a baby her age. Many don't sleep that long until the 3-4 month stage. It definitely helps getting some sleep. Though she is Paul & my child! She keeps being awake from 9 to midnight. And most mornings she wants to sleep. *laugh*

I am not sure when we need to set up a bed time ritual with her to help her sleep. We do dim or turn off the lights in the apartment at 9. But we haven't been putting her in the crib in the bedroom. We have been keeping her in the living room in the swing or the bassinet. Some nights she will sleep. But more often she is wakeful and wants to do something. We are trying to let her settle herself. Some nights are more successful than others.

She is holding her head up more and more. It is good given she hates tummy time. So Paul and I have been bad about forcing her to do it. I know, I know. She needs it. But it is hard to do when she is crying the entire time. *sigh*

She is also grabbing at things which is lovely to watch. *smile* And she is starting to grab her toes. It is amazing what gets me excited these days. *laugh* But it is the little things that are so amazing when a few weeks ago she couldn't do them.

I am still breastfeeding. It is going pretty well. Though she is sooo slow about eating. So it takes a while to feed her.

Coming back to the office has been a challenge with that. Though I am happy to report that my company has a lactation room with a hospital grade breast pump. I really thought I would just try the pump and then end up bringing in my personal pump from home so I could pump in my office. But the hospital grade one is so much better about drawing the milk that it is worth the time away from my desk. Honestly, the time away from my desk is still less than a lunch hour. So it is good.

I am really happy I get to work three days from home. That is definitely helping. It is hard being in the apartment with her but unable to go play with her. But at least that way I can feed her. That is really nice. Also, not having a 30-45 minute commute on each side of working means I have more time with her.

And I have to admit I get more done at home. As weird as that sounds. I find that because I am so conscious of them allowing me to work from home, I work twice as hard to make sure things are done. And most times I find myself starting earlier and ending later on the days from home as there isn't a commute.

I am still playing catch up on things that didn't get done while I was out. But on the flip side, a lot was covered for me too. So it isn't as bad as it could have been.

I wish I were home today! I do miss Elanor dearly when I am at the office. People keep asking if I am happy to be back. I really want to tell them no. But I just say I miss Elanor and that is enough. I am glad I have a job. But I do wish I could afford to have taken more time off before coming back to work.

I am so glad I have the week between Christmas and New Year's off! I really think it will be good. And I think at least 2-3 of those mornings, I will have Paul do a bottle in the morning so I can get some extra sleep. I really feel like I am running at a severe sleep deficient. I don't think I can really make it all up. But at least some extra sleep will help.

I confess I am surprised I am functioning as well as I am on this little sleep. I really have trouble napping. So even when I was home I really didn't nap with Elanor during the day. So in the beginning I was getting an hour to an hour and a half twice with her night feedings. I sometimes fell asleep during the day for 15-20 minutes. But often that left me feeling more drained. The 4-5 hours a night now definitely helps me a great deal. Not to say I am not way too tired, but... *laugh*

Paul has been great about everything. He has been more than willing to help with anything we need. He really goes above and beyond to be helpful. He really is an amazing husband and father. I am really blessed with him. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first weeks if it hadn't been for him.

I wish I felt I could take him up more on the night feedings. But I am trying to keep my milk supply up so that means feeding Elanor as much as possible. So I skip feeding her only when needed or occasionally when I need some extra sleep. But overall, I try to make sure I am giving her the breast anytime I can.

I have a ton of work to do today. Best get to it. I suspect it may be like last Thursday. I will have to take some work home with me. But at least I can do it from home which really helps!

I am frustrated that I have to go back to work in just a few weeks. My first week back is supposed to be the 7th. I have proposed to my boss that I work a day from home next week and then two the following week. Then the week of the 7th would only be three days and the 14th would be four days. The following week is only three days long because of the holidays. Then I have a week off. So it could be worse. But it still sucks that it is so short!

I am feeling mixed about how things are going. I think I have a better idea what Elanor needs. So that is good. Most of the time I can decipher what she needs and even anticipate things so she doesn't get too wired.

On the down side, the breast feeding is still a lot of work. She is spending 30 minutes on each breast so an hour total. Followed by some supplementing (either formula or expressed milk). After that is settling her down and then pumping for 15 minutes. Then doing all the washing up from the pump & bottle. So if Paul gives he the bottle while I pump, it is running 1 1/2 hours. If I am doing solo, it is 2+ depending on how long it takes to get her settled.

I keep reminding myself that it is worth it for her health. But I do keep wondering if I am not missing out on things with the pumping and all. *sigh* Elanor is also getting more active during the day. So that is harder to get her occupied so I can pump. Luckily Paul has been here most of the time. (Though on the downside that means he isn't working very much so money will be tight.)

We need to look into having someone cover at times when Paul is working. There is a site Care.com that list people who watch children. One of the search criteria is short notice. So I am hopeful we can find 2-3 we like and have available for when he has to work. Given the hours he works, I believe that this should be cheaper than day care.

Started this in the morning so I best post it now before I miss the day again!

Elanor is one month old as of today.  Hooray!

I can't believe it has already been a month.  The days have been blurring together.  It is feeding, changing diapers, burping, trying to get her to sleep & then pumping for breast milk.  Repeat.  Occasionally catch a nap in here or there.  *laugh*  Some days I can't even tell what day of the week it is!  *chuckle*

Here are some birthday pics!

Elanor in her cute dress:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akkasha/4053251435/in/set-72157622355177475/

Papa & Elanor:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akkasha/4053993506/in/set-72157622355177475/

Paul and I had cupcakes to celebrate with her.  I figure she gets some of it through the breast milk, right?  *grin* 

We should have gotten her out for a walk, but it was raining.  So we didn't.  But she was more wakeful today than she has been since we got her home which was nice.  Now, we just have to figure out things to engage her.

It has been challenging as I have had some trouble with breastfeeding.  My milk came in late because of the c-section.  So I have had to supplement with formula since we were in the hospital.  I saw a lactation consultant for help.  She suggested a number of things which are helping. 

I am now pumping after every feeding.  It has increased my milk, but we still have to supplement with formula.  The pumping means adding 15 minutes of pumping plus set up and cleanup to each feeding (so about a 1/2 hour total).  With feedings at least every 3 hours more or less, it really has been challenging.  But it is worth it if she is getting more breast milk.  *smile*

Elanor has also been going through this thing where she fusses for 2-3 feedings in the middle of the night (so 4-6 hours at least).  It starts at 1 through 3 in the morning and keeps going.  Last night though she was good.  She only got up twice and they were distinct feedings.  So I got a few hours of sleep which helps.  *smile*  I am hoping this is the beginning of a new trend.

Speaking of feeding, it is time for her before bed feeding.  Of course she will be up in a few hours again, but it is hopeful she will sleep at least part of the night tonight.  *crosses fingers*  Best get to it!

Elanor Celeste was born on Sept. 28th at 5:07.  She weighed 6 lbs 14 oz when she was born.

The due date was Sept. 20th. Which came and went without any contractions. My OB said she would induce labor on Wednesday the 30th if the baby hadn't arrived.

I woke up on the 28th around 4 am with some cramping.  It didn't feel heavy enough to be contractions, but I was hopeful this could be the big day.  I also had some diarrhea and nausea.  So I figured it could be my body getting ready for labor.

We went to see Dr. Patrick for an 8:45 appointment. (No, I don't usually schedule anything that early, but we had a 10:00 ultrasound so...)  She said I was 2 centimeters dilated.  So more than last time which was progress.  But still sounded like Wednesday would be the big day.

Then we went for followed by a 41 week ultrasound at the hospital.  That changed things.  The appointment was at 10:00.  At 11:00 I checked with the desk.  What they didn't tell me when I made the appointment was that because it was booked only a week before I was on stand by.  Basically, they would see me when they had a free doctor.  Great...  *sigh*

So at 12:00 they finally got me in to see a doctor.  She did all the scans and then called one of the techs in to check things.  Then they called in another doctor. Always a worrisome sign. 

The amniotic fluid was very low so it was time to deliver as soon as possible.  We were sent directly to the labor floor to be admitted. 

Of course this means the carefully packed labor bag was at home in Jersey City.  *laugh*  The sad part was that the cord blood donation kit was in that bag. I really would have liked to have done that.  Ah well.

Dr. Holland works with my OB Dr. Patrick.  Dr. Holland was on call that day.  So she was the one who did the delivery.  I really like her, so it wasn't worrisome that she was handling it.  Also, she is more chatty than Dr. Patrick which is kinda comforting.  Though she wasn't as chatty given how much else she had going on. 

They started to induce labor with Pitocin.  With every contraction, Elanor's heart rate would drop. The umbilical cord was probably wrapped around her in some way.  So they needed to get her out fast.  They stopped the Pitocin which they had only given me a small amount.  The doctor was it was time for a c-section.  And given my doctors prefer vaginal births over c-section whenever possible, I knew it was time to go.

All of this was happening so fast.  It was pretty dizzying.  I am *really* glad I did a whole lot of reading and took classes.  So I was more prepared.  But it was still really scary.  But as always, I just wanted whatever was best for the baby.

I was taken in for a spinal around 3-3:30.  It wasn't fun of course, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  They had to poke me several times.  The one doc kept saying because of my BMI.  Yep, I know.  I am a fat chick.  It is okay to say it. *laugh*  They ended up having to use a long epidural needle to get it done.

Shortly after that was done, Paul was able to come in and join me.  The c-section itself was just weird.  Because of the spinal I couldn't feel anything.  But there was pressure.  The whole thing just felt really surreal.

It was hard that we didn't get to see anything.  There was a screen so we didn't see the baby being born.  Then she was off to the side for all her tests.  I heard her cry, but couldn't see her.  After what seemed like too long Paul got to see her.  I didn't get to see her until a while after that.  Paul got to hold her and show her to me.  But I was still being worked on so I couldn't hold her.  Even that was only a few minutes before she was whisked off and I had to go to recovery.  *sigh*  I know they needed to close up, but it seemed like an eternity.  And only a glimpse of her. 

I went into recovery.  Unfortunately, I arrived right around shift change.  So I had to wait there until 8:30.  Paul was able to join me and even Kyle for a short time.  But still no baby.  It was really frustrating not to get to see her.

It was really a whirlwind.  We got the ultrasound results around 12:30 and by 5:07 she was born.  That is stunning.  It was all so fast I really had little time to process anything.  Strange after nine months of pregnancy that I should still feel kinda unprepared.  But I did.  And the speed of the birth really gave it a sorta surreal feeling.

The staff at the hospital were amazing.  My day nurse Michelle was so helpful as were several others on staff. My doctor had me stay four nights.  It definitely helped to have the staff to help with so many things.

Pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akkasha/sets/72157622355177475/

Elanor is from the Lord of the Rings.  It was Paul's suggestion.  It is the name of Sam's daughter.  It is the name of a flower that  means sun star.  I like that it is a big ol geeky reference yet also is close to Eleanor so it isn't too wacky for people to handle.  Though she will spend her life spelling it out.  Much like Michele with one 'l'.  *laugh* 

Name Short List:

My Choices:
Gwendolyn
Celeste

Paul's:
Elanor
Christiana (or some variation on Christine as Christian is a family name)

Suggested by Jennifer which both Paul & I Liked:
Kateri

The naming was challenging.  There were more on the list, but this was our short list.  Paul liked a lot of the traditional names.  Many of which I vetoed given that they were too many of them. 

Growing up in a class of 200 students and being one of four Michelles really had me wanting something that wasn't in the top 100 names.  I was always Michele W.  Kinda annoying.  But I also didn't want something so weird that she would spend her life cursing us.  *laugh*

Of course, if we had realized it was Paul's grandfather's birthday before we chose a name, we could have named her Josephine (as his name was Joseph).  That would have been pretty cool as well.

Believe it or not, it has taken me this long to finish this much!  It has been crazy.  I have a deep respect for all those parents out there!  Things really are so busy.  I am hoping that we will start to have more of a schedule.  But we will have to see what comes.

Nearly feeding time again.  Best to sign off now and maybe get this posted!

No baby yet... 

I saw the doctor yesterday.  She says things are progressing.  However I am still only a centimeter dilated.  Though the OB said I was more dilated.  *chuckle*  She did say the baby has shifted down which is progress.  Though I have to admit, I am not sure if she was saying that to make me feel better.  Or if that was actual progress.  *laugh* 

The baby definitely *feels* lower.  Walking is getting to be more fun.  I definitely have the pregnancy waddle going on.  *chuckle*

The doctor is hopeful that the baby will arrive on her own.  But she did have me set up a 40+ week ultrasound for next Monday.  If the baby hasn’t arrived by then, she will induce labor next Wednesday.  She is on duty at the hospital on Wednesdays.  So it would work out well.

I am hoping the baby decides to come of her own accord.  But it seems she is comfy at the moment and isn’t going anywhere in a hurry.  So long as things are healthy, it is good.  Though I also confess the waiting is hard...  I am definitely impatient at this point.

My doctor is on call this weekend.  So that is good news as well.  It means if I go into labor tomorrow or Friday-Sunday, she will be the one on duty.   That is good.  

I am working from home today.  The commute is the hardest part of this anyhow.  And today is one of my light days for the week.  I will go in tomorrow (barring that the baby decides otherwise).  I figure this week is good to use as a run through for everyone that is covering the various tasks.

I am glad I didn't go into labor today.  It is Paul's birthday.  And I really think it is important for the baby to have her own special day.  Paul wouldn't mind sharing.  But I think she might some day.

On the plus side, since she hasn't arrived, Paul and I can go out for to celebrate his birthday with dinner.  (Heaven knows if there was a movie worth seeing, we would do that too.  But it is lame time for movies.)

Today was the due date.  But nada to report.  No contractions.  Seems the baby is not ready to join us yet.

Have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  Hope she sees some progress from the visit last week.

I was reading an article about week 39 on Babycenter.com.

It was talking about various things including things that may help with breastfeeding.

It says:
"'medical-grade' lanolin ointment for tender nipples. (Avoid lanolin if you're allergic to wool.)"

Ummm.  I do have wooly allergies.  *sigh*  So I really am not sure about using the ointment I bought.  Hmmm...

I will try the method of putting some expressed milk on them after feedings.  But it is good to know that the lanolin may not help me.  And better to know that now rather than slathering it on only to wonder why I am getting itch and red!  But just figure it was part of the process.

Thinking I am gonna work from home tomorrow.  I feel okay but the commute it taking a lot of my energy at this point.  And I have things I need to get done for work.  So it is probably better to do it from home now that I have the laptop set up for work.

Other than that, I am feeling okay.  Getting anxious...  Hoping I get to meet the baby girl soon.  *crosses fingers*

Two of nine women in my birthing class have had their water break.  The stats at babycenter say only 8% have that happen. And the highest I heard was 15%.  So my odds are going down. *laugh*  And they both had super fast labor.  Given first time labor averages 18 hours, does that mean I get to make up for their fast labor?!  *chuckle*  I am just teasing.  

Most of the 18 hours are early labor which isn't the intense part you see in all the movies.  *grin*  So who knows.

I did have some sharp cramping on one side this morning.  But I think it was just the stretches I was doing.  

Can you tell?  I am ready to get this started?  Though still way nervous.  I just keep telling myself that women have dealt with labor for thousands of years.  So I can do this.  *smile*  Not sure I completely believe that at the moment, but I just keep trying to keep that in mind.  *laugh*

Paul and I spent the day cleaning and organizing on Sunday.  Things are finally taking shape.  Hooray.

So I was headed in for a shower before bed.  The tub and shower really needed to be cleaned.  So I sprayed it down with the cleaner.  Let it sit.

I went to get in, put my right foot down on the bath mat which has suction cups on the bottom.  I thought it would be fine.  I was way wrong.  It slid and moved. 

I slipped while getting into the shower/bath.  Luckily I was able to grab the towel bar on the sliding glass doors.  So I didn't come down fully.  My upper left leg hit the metal railing for the glass doors.  I was able to save myself from a full fall.

The area of the fall was painful, but I felt that the baby was fine.  I did have a little bit of cramping that night which made me nervous.  But there was no bleeding or any other signs that there was trouble.  So I suspected things were okay.

I called my doctor in the morning.  There was still a little cramping.  But she keeps asking about contractions.  So I keep hoping that is all it is.

The doctor had me come in to check things out.  She checked the baby's heartbeat and did an exam.  Things are completely normal.  No worries.  *smile* 

There hasn't been any change since my visit on Thursday.  Still one centimeter dilated and 50% effaced.  But from what I have read, the onset of labor can change all this pretty slowly or quickly.  So there is really no way to tell when the baby will arrive.  It is only an educated guess at best with these things.

Other than that, I have been tired and my back is aching.  But given it is less than a week before the due date, that isn't bad at all!  *grin* 

I am glad the apartment is in pretty good shape.  Getting things set up Sunday means I am feeling ready for the baby to arrive.  That is definitely a new experience.  Before I was always thinking the baby should wait so things could get set up. *laugh*

My sister got us a changing table.  It is good and solid.  That and the crib are set up in the bedroom.  The rest of the apartment is mostly clean.  And we have most things that we need.  So it feels ready. 

The few big ticket items left that we need are a breast pump and a pack-and-play.  I don't suspect anyone will get those for us.  I also think they are both items that I can wait a little on.  I want to make sure my milk is coming in before I purchase a pump.  (Though it does dawn on me to check about return policies.  I could order the pump but so long as I don't open it, I could probably return it so long as I order from a place with a good return policy.  That way it would be on hand.)

The pack-and-play is a nice thing, but not really needed until we start to travel with her.  That isn't happening for several weeks after she is born.  And even then a blanket & the car seat will be just fine for at least a month or two.

I might have some help buying the items because of work!  I really didn't know if there would be a shower at work.  (One of my coworkers was pregnant but they didn't have one for her, though someone pointed out she went into labor way early so there might have been one in the works that didn't happen.)  There was one on Wednesday.  The department gave me AmEx gift cards so I can pick things up with them.  Hooray!  (The only trouble I have with AmEx gift cards is that they work like a credit card.  So they can be a problem to use online unless the item is under the amount of the card.) 

I did use one at the Upper Breast Side yesterday.  I got two nursing bras and an extender.  It was pretty serendipitous. They came to exactly $100.  Which was what one of the cards was for.  So I took it as a sign and used it.  Terrifying that one of the bras was $60!  I will be ordering online in the future.  But it was good getting someone to fit me so I know my nursing size.  And they do carry really good bras.  So it was worth the money as I should get some good wear out of it.  And I have read that can make such a huge different with comfort.  The other is a sleeping bra.  I was really thinking I didn't need one as I didn't use one during my pregnancy.  But the woman pointed out about leaking.  So probably a good idea to have one.  *laugh*

I am posting this and getting some work done.  There is so much I have to do at work.  Yet I really feel like I am running at half speed this week. *sigh*  It is kinda frustrating but I really don't know what I can do about it.  My brain just isn't as clear as it was BB - Before Baby.  *grin*

All in all, it was a good weekend.

Friday, Paul and I went and checked out a crib from Craigslist.  We ended up buying it.  It was $75, in good condition & convertible from a crib to toddler bed to twin. It is in cherry & a style similar to the one I wanted that Target discontinued.  So that was great.

We picked up a new crib mattress.  So the baby has a place to sleep. Hooray!

Saturday was grey and drizzling.  We decide to head to the NY Ren Faire anyhow.  Weather Underground was saying there was a 50% chance of rain, Weather.com said nearly 100%.  We figured at least this way it was cool enough for me to be able to walk around.  And if worse came to worse, we could just skip the faire and go to a movie in Nyack. 

Turns out the weather was my birthday present.  *grin*  There was some light misting of rain but nothing major.  So the weather was cool and overcast.  It meant that there were no lines at the food vendors!  And the faire wasn't jam packed like it normally is.  There was room to walk and amble.  So I was able to stroll and take my time.  We were able to follow around the Crimson Pirates to the three shows they performed.  (Though we missed about half the first show because I was so pokey getting out of the house!)

We also were able to watch a glass blowing demo which we never watch because of the heat.  With it being cool out, we could enjoy it without sweating to death!  *grin*

Paul gave me a pretty bracelet with iolite stones dangling from it.  It is this really interesting stone that shifts colors according to the light.  It is sometimes purple, sometimes blue, sometimes grey.  He got me a necklace for our anniversary in the same stone. 

We watched Marley & Me which wasn't probably the best move.  I definitely wanted a silly movie. It was for the first 2/3rds.  Then the last third...  *sigh*  Balled like a baby.  It probably wouldn't have hit me so hard, but it got me thinking about Calliope again.

It left me feeling sorta in a funk on Sunday.  I didn't realize that was what it was at first. But it was definitely that I still miss Calliope.  She was a great cat.  And the cat who was with me the longest in my life.  So it shouldn't surprise me at all that there is some lingering sadness. 

It is hardest on nights when I get home and Paul isn't there.  The apartment seems so empty.  Of course, that won't last long with the baby due in less than three weeks now.  *gulp*

It is funny.  A lot of women at this point are counting the days, hoping for an early arrival.  I am still feeling like I need more time. *laugh*  The dip in temperature has *definitely* helped that too.  I feel like if it stays like this, I can actually handle this for a while longer.  Other than my back being cranky, things have been good.  I do have a heel spur, but it has been healing pretty well.  Overall, I have had a fairly easy pregnancy compared to what most women deal with.  So I am feeling pretty blessed.  *smile*

Paul and I were coming home together on the PATH train Wednesday night.  He had his pool league.  I got stuck late at work until 9:30.

There were seats open when I got on the train.  So I took the closest one that was free, sitting next to a guy who seemed less than thrilled that I sat down given he wanted to sprawled out all over the place.  But he went back to reading his Stephen King novel.

I am talking with Paul about filling out some paperwork for HR about working from home.  The main reason I am giving is that I want to breastfeed which is easier from home. Though they do actually have a lactation room at our offices.  But it really isn't the same.

We get off the train.  And Paul points out that when I started talking about breastfeeding, the guy beside me stopped reading the Stephen King book!  *laugh*  He said the guy looked really weirded out about it.

I think that is just way too funny and bizarre.  Horror is good, but breastfeeding is just right out!  *chuckle*  People are bizarre.

 

Figured I should report there was a minor fender bender today.  Paul, the baby and I are all fine.

 

We were on 17, heading back from Buy Buy Baby, going to Kiddie World to check out their cribs.  It is NJ so there was loads of traffic.

 

A car hit the truck that was behind us.  The truck tried to stop, but then hit us.  The traffic was heavy so the truck wasn't going too fast.  But it was fast enough that it pushed in the back door & tire on our Rav4.

 

The car seems fine otherwise.  Don't think there is any body damage other than the back door which is good.  Paul says it is driving fine.

 

We have to pay the deductable.  But if our insurance gets the payment from the guy who started the accident, we might even get the deductible back would be great.

 

The timing of this is less than stellar of course.  But hopefully we will get something back.

 

It does mean we are skipping NY Ren Faire tomorrow.  The insurance company said we can get a rental.  But I really don't want to make the trip tomorrow.  I am thinking home sounds like a better idea.  Kinda too bad as the weather is supposed to be okay.  But I don't know.  Just feeling like home is better right now.

 

The cool thing is the shop is right around the corner.  So it is easy.  We have an appointment at 10:30 tomorrow.  So the process should be underway soon.

 

I was talking diwriter who  mentioned her mom is making her eldest child a bedding set as she couldn't find anything she liked.

So it got me thinking about bedding.  I haven't found anything that wowed me in a price I was willing to pay.

For some reason, I thought to look at etsy.  It really started just out of curiosity.  There are some smaller blankets I have added to the registry that are way more affordable than I would have thought.  A lot are pretty fun.  Kinda went a little crazy honestly.  I will pull some items off as heaven knows I don't need a gazzilion little blankets!

All the looking got me on a tangent.  I can sew.  Would it be so hard to make a crib blanket? 

I came across one on etsy that had a fabric that was kinda interesting.  So I started looking at the fabric designer.  Which lead me further astray to quilting fabric sites.  Where I found this:

http://www.fatquartershop.com/store/stores_app/Browse_Item_Details.asp?sid=2819841757292819&Store_id=499&page_id=23&Item_ID=28413&Parent_Ids=

Eric Carle fabric!!  That is very cool!

Now I am tempted to order the fabric and make some bedding.  A standard crib blanket is 45 by 60 inches .  So a couple yards...

I am soooo on crack!  *laugh*  I have never quilted.  Don't really want to start *right now*. (Have enough knitting on my plate before she arrives as it is!)  But heaven knows it is tempting to just do something simple like.  That fabric in the middle and maybe an edge in a matching red or something.  Just line the back with something soft and plush (though not too fuzzy).

What on earth am I thinking??!  *shakes head*

Stop me NOW!  *laugh*

Oh no...  I just realized I have yards of fabric I bought for bridesmaids dresses.  It is burgundy.  But I don't think it is machine wash.  So I am safe.  *grin*

Friday, July 24, 2009

Calliope is gone.

She hadn’t been eating since the little bit she ate earlier in the week.  She had been getting more and more lethargic.

Last night she slept in the bed with us.  I spent a lot of time petting her and just spending time with her.  I woke up about 4 and pet her some more. 

When I got out of bed, I took her to the litter box.  She used it, but then laid down in it.  If you know cats, that is never a good thing.  I tried giving her some anchovy paste and a can of one of the few cat foods she ate as things got worse.  But she didn’t eat either.  She also wasn’t drinking water.

I called the vet when the office opened at 9.  I asked if there was anything to do to help.  She said the steroids would have done bad things with the hypertension.  She offered to have us try them.  But also pointed out that could make her heart give out.  And it was a temporary boost. 

I sat on the couch with Calliope for a while, petting her.  I told her if she wanted another day with us, just stay put, but if she thought it was time to go...  Before I could even finish, she was off the couch and crawling under the chair to her hiding spot.  It is the spot she has been using since she has the hypertension make her blind.  Though her sight was back, she still was using the spot pretty much most of the time since then.

So it was time...

The vet said she thought it was the right decision.  She believed we had done all we could for her.  It was good to hear that.

She was an amazing cat.  I am glad I got to be her keeper for over 11 years.  That is the longest time I have gotten to have a cat with me. 

I met her at Bide-a-Wee.  I had the two feral cats I got from someone who pulled them off the street.  They were clearly not meant to be housecats, so I was returning them that weekend.  She climbed all over me when I was getting time with her.  She loved to perch.  It was one of her favorite things.  She was constantly climbing up me, onto my shoulder or something.  Or on to the highest point in the room.  She did less of it as she got older and the kidney issues got worse.  But she would still sleep perched on my thing at night or the back of the chair in the bedroom.  And in the living room, she would perch on the arm of the couch beside me most of the time.  Given she hadn’t since done any of that since the hypertension hit so hard, it made me know she wasn’t well.

If I hadn’t already adopted her, I honestly don’t know if I would have gotten another cat.  While trying to get the feral cats back to the rescue place, one of them got scared and scratched me up very badly.  It got very infected and I spent 5 days in the hospital on IV antibiotics.  Luckily, Bide-a-Wee held her for me while I was in the hospital.

She was the most talkative cat I have ever known.  She used to chatter away all the time.  It was a wonderful thing to have her keeping me company.  Even when I lived as the only person in my apartment, I was never alone with her there.

She was one of the most beautiful cats I have known.  It isn’t just me being biased.  I had a lot of people tell me how gorgeous she is.  I should dig up some pictures and share them.

There are a couple on my webpage that I never update:
http://akasha.freeshell.org/misc/scrapbk/scrapbk5.html

She has been a terrific companion.  I am going to miss her something awful.  But I also didn’t think her quality of life was good.  And I really didn’t want her suffering.  She was taking 4 different drugs, 3 in the morning and 4 at night.  She hated the drugs.  She also had the fluid treatments which helped for a long time and seemed to bring her a good quality of life.  But recently, not so much.  We also switched to fluids every day.  We had started with every other day.  So she was going through so much on a daily basis.

I am glad she is not suffering any more.  I will miss her dearly.

Went to see the orthopedist this morning.  Got a clean bill of health.  No more braces.  Hooray!

I need to learn to nap. I am completely exhausted today.  I should have gone to bed earlier last night.  Now I am barely awake. 

Being out in the heat to get the orthopedist  this morning sapped my last bit of strength.  And WTF is up with a cab with no AC?!  I took the cab because I couldn't bare to sweat like a pig in the walk to the doctor.  The cab didn't help nearly as much with no AC.  

Calliope is so so.  Didn't eat much yesterday.  Has mostly been sleeping.  I didn't have her in the bedroom last night.  The night before I had charley horses in both my calves.  One time it work her and sent her flying across the room. So I figured I needed the sleep more than she needed company.  I will probably have her back in the bedroom tonight.

Still feeling uncertain what approach is best with her at this time.  I think the infection in her nose has cleared up some which is very good.  But I fear unless she gets some more energy back soon, it still may be time to say goodbye.  As I said, I just don't want her suffering.

Okay.  No tears.  Need to get work done.  Time to focus on that.

I am happy to report that Calliope ate a bit last night.  Not tons, but some thing.  She also ate some this morning.  So I am happy with that.

We let her sleep in the bed last night.  After wetting the bed twice in one night a while back, we had been keeping her out of the bedroom.  Paul jokingly said something to the vet on Sunday about kitty diapers.  Turns out they have them.  So he was sweet enough to get some yesterday. 

She seemed happy and comfy getting to sleep on the bed. Though not overjoyed with moving around with the diaper. Around 3, I got up to use the bathroom.  She had gone back out in the living room. So I took off the diaper (which she didn't seem to use) and closed the door again.  Figure better safe than sorry with that. 

I got a good night's sleep which was good.  Things are seeming better today.

At this point, we can only wait and see.  I am hoping the antibiotics are helping with the infection. And perhaps it will help the crud in her nose so she will want to eat more with time.  But I am also aware that with her bloodwork there is limited time left with her.  What matters is that she is comfortable.  So I will just keep an eye on her and see what comes.

It is 5:00 am and I am in front of a keyboard.  This can’t be good.  *sigh*

Calliope had her follow up with the ophthalmologist at 5:00 on Sunday.  The good news is that her retinas are reattached.  Her vision is back.  We had been hopeful as she was tracking things with her eyes and they responded to light.  So that was great news.

Though her blood pressure was now in the 80s.  Too low.  So they told me to cut back the medicine to once a day and come back in a month.

However, I noticed some crud in one nostril. I tried to clear it out on Friday.  When I cleared the stuff at the edge of the nostril, there was white crud, thick and really smelly.

Calliope wasn’t eat as well.  I just figured it was with the smelly crud in her nostril that she didn’t want food.  The ophthalmologist said we could see one of the emergency vets.  So we did.

The woman was very sweet.  She said they really should do some blood work to see what was happening.  I agreed to it.  I figured that her next bloods needed to be done right around the time of the baby being born.  So doing them now might be helpful on both levels.

Since the place we went is an emergency clinic, the vet said we would have the blood work in an hour to an hour and a half.  Paul wisely suggested I should get something to eat.  So the vet took Calliope.

When we got back, they had us go into an exam room.  The vet came back in and told us that her blood work showed that she is extremely anemic.  Her HCT was 16.  The vet said that it could be caused by a whole shopping list of reasons.  They said anything below 20 they strongly suggested an immediate blood transfusion.  That would require staying overnight and cost $2000.  Thing is that wouldn’t solve the problem.  It would just give her more time.

The vet was very kind, saying that given all Calliope has gone through, it was reasonable not to pursue the transfusion.  She told me that she would suggest I could take Calliope home and enjoy whatever time she has left.  She said to give her whatever food she would eat, suggesting Fancy Feast.  She said it might shorten the time but if she would eat it, that was okay.

She gave us some antibiotics as well.  Some of the blood work showed an infection as well.  So that could have a bearing on things.  I asked how much time Calliope had left.  She didn’t know.  Could pass in the night.  Could be around several weeks.

I said the most important thing was I didn’t want Calliope to be in pain.  She said she didn’t believe she was.  She did offer to give Calliope a pain killer.  But she seemed to feel that would be better for my worry than really helping Calliope.  So I said no.

On the way home we stopped and got her some Fancy Feast.  I gave it to her in the car.  I thought she ate some, but when I got to see it, she really hadn’t eaten much at all.  The vet did say that if she didn’t want even the Fancy Feast that the end might be pretty close. 

I also tried some of the A/D we have at home.  It is a high calorie food they gave us when she wasn’t eating.  She usually loves the stuff.  She took maybe a bite, but that was it. 

Turns out they have kitty diapers.  I would like to give her a night of sleeping in the bed.  But unfortunately, none of the pet stores were open by the time we left the clinic.  So I kinda figured we can try that tomorrow night.  But I woke up around 4 after not getting to sleep until about 1-2.  (We didn’t get home until almost 10:30 and then I was too wired to sleep for a while.)  I figured I would try sleeping on the couch in hopes she might want to climb on my hip to sleep.  She hasn’t come out from the spot she likes.  I tried sleeping on the floor so I was closer.  But that didn’t work so well either.

I spent some time petting her which was good. But after three days with no food, she is pretty listless.  I did feel some purring however.  So that was nice.

The trouble is that I really don’t know what to do.  I should go into work today.  I have a lot of post-conference stuff to accomplish.  I am also meeting with HR at 3:00 about maternity leave.  But I know I will be comatose at this point.  But I don’t know that staying home will really help either.  I don’t know if giving a day or two for the antibiotics to kick in will help.  I also don’t know if her blood pressure getting back to something normal will help as well.  The ophthalmologist said it being that low can make her nauseous so she might not want to eat.  So maybe as it level out, she will eat something.

All this comes back to I don’t want her to suffer.  That is critical.

However, there is also all the other stuff going on.  Tuesday is the infant CPR class Paul and I have signed up for.  Problem is I had to give them a deposit.  And I fear we would lose that.  But if things get worse, I may need to have her put to sleep.  And all that is about how Calliope is feeling. And I just can’t tell.  We have the other half of the course on Friday.  I will call tomorrow to check if I can change the time of those.  But given they fill up fast, it is unlikely. 

Also, I also have an appointment with the orthopedist about my wrists on Thursday   But I can reschedule that if need be.  Of course, this isn’t even going into all the post-conference work I have to get done.  When all I want to do is cry and not stop.  I can just tell I am going to look so lovely going into work today.  *sigh* 

I think I am going to give the cat some pets then get back into bed.  I really do need some more sleep.  I am not sure I will be able to.  But I am so wiped at this point, I am hoping to just collapse into bed for a few hours.

I really don’t want to say goodbye to Calliope.  But I do not want her to suffer.  I have had her for 11 years now, a year longer than I have even been with Paul.  She has been a great companion.  I want to do everything I can for her.  But it is so hard to know what is the right choice right now.