I am frustrated that I have to go back to work in just a few weeks. My first week back is supposed to be the 7th. I have proposed to my boss that I work a day from home next week and then two the following week. Then the week of the 7th would only be three days and the 14th would be four days. The following week is only three days long because of the holidays. Then I have a week off. So it could be worse. But it still sucks that it is so short!

I am feeling mixed about how things are going. I think I have a better idea what Elanor needs. So that is good. Most of the time I can decipher what she needs and even anticipate things so she doesn't get too wired.

On the down side, the breast feeding is still a lot of work. She is spending 30 minutes on each breast so an hour total. Followed by some supplementing (either formula or expressed milk). After that is settling her down and then pumping for 15 minutes. Then doing all the washing up from the pump & bottle. So if Paul gives he the bottle while I pump, it is running 1 1/2 hours. If I am doing solo, it is 2+ depending on how long it takes to get her settled.

I keep reminding myself that it is worth it for her health. But I do keep wondering if I am not missing out on things with the pumping and all. *sigh* Elanor is also getting more active during the day. So that is harder to get her occupied so I can pump. Luckily Paul has been here most of the time. (Though on the downside that means he isn't working very much so money will be tight.)

We need to look into having someone cover at times when Paul is working. There is a site Care.com that list people who watch children. One of the search criteria is short notice. So I am hopeful we can find 2-3 we like and have available for when he has to work. Given the hours he works, I believe that this should be cheaper than day care.

Started this in the morning so I best post it now before I miss the day again!

Elanor is one month old as of today.  Hooray!

I can't believe it has already been a month.  The days have been blurring together.  It is feeding, changing diapers, burping, trying to get her to sleep & then pumping for breast milk.  Repeat.  Occasionally catch a nap in here or there.  *laugh*  Some days I can't even tell what day of the week it is!  *chuckle*

Here are some birthday pics!

Elanor in her cute dress:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akkasha/4053251435/in/set-72157622355177475/

Papa & Elanor:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akkasha/4053993506/in/set-72157622355177475/

Paul and I had cupcakes to celebrate with her.  I figure she gets some of it through the breast milk, right?  *grin* 

We should have gotten her out for a walk, but it was raining.  So we didn't.  But she was more wakeful today than she has been since we got her home which was nice.  Now, we just have to figure out things to engage her.

It has been challenging as I have had some trouble with breastfeeding.  My milk came in late because of the c-section.  So I have had to supplement with formula since we were in the hospital.  I saw a lactation consultant for help.  She suggested a number of things which are helping. 

I am now pumping after every feeding.  It has increased my milk, but we still have to supplement with formula.  The pumping means adding 15 minutes of pumping plus set up and cleanup to each feeding (so about a 1/2 hour total).  With feedings at least every 3 hours more or less, it really has been challenging.  But it is worth it if she is getting more breast milk.  *smile*

Elanor has also been going through this thing where she fusses for 2-3 feedings in the middle of the night (so 4-6 hours at least).  It starts at 1 through 3 in the morning and keeps going.  Last night though she was good.  She only got up twice and they were distinct feedings.  So I got a few hours of sleep which helps.  *smile*  I am hoping this is the beginning of a new trend.

Speaking of feeding, it is time for her before bed feeding.  Of course she will be up in a few hours again, but it is hopeful she will sleep at least part of the night tonight.  *crosses fingers*  Best get to it!

Elanor Celeste was born on Sept. 28th at 5:07.  She weighed 6 lbs 14 oz when she was born.

The due date was Sept. 20th. Which came and went without any contractions. My OB said she would induce labor on Wednesday the 30th if the baby hadn't arrived.

I woke up on the 28th around 4 am with some cramping.  It didn't feel heavy enough to be contractions, but I was hopeful this could be the big day.  I also had some diarrhea and nausea.  So I figured it could be my body getting ready for labor.

We went to see Dr. Patrick for an 8:45 appointment. (No, I don't usually schedule anything that early, but we had a 10:00 ultrasound so...)  She said I was 2 centimeters dilated.  So more than last time which was progress.  But still sounded like Wednesday would be the big day.

Then we went for followed by a 41 week ultrasound at the hospital.  That changed things.  The appointment was at 10:00.  At 11:00 I checked with the desk.  What they didn't tell me when I made the appointment was that because it was booked only a week before I was on stand by.  Basically, they would see me when they had a free doctor.  Great...  *sigh*

So at 12:00 they finally got me in to see a doctor.  She did all the scans and then called one of the techs in to check things.  Then they called in another doctor. Always a worrisome sign. 

The amniotic fluid was very low so it was time to deliver as soon as possible.  We were sent directly to the labor floor to be admitted. 

Of course this means the carefully packed labor bag was at home in Jersey City.  *laugh*  The sad part was that the cord blood donation kit was in that bag. I really would have liked to have done that.  Ah well.

Dr. Holland works with my OB Dr. Patrick.  Dr. Holland was on call that day.  So she was the one who did the delivery.  I really like her, so it wasn't worrisome that she was handling it.  Also, she is more chatty than Dr. Patrick which is kinda comforting.  Though she wasn't as chatty given how much else she had going on. 

They started to induce labor with Pitocin.  With every contraction, Elanor's heart rate would drop. The umbilical cord was probably wrapped around her in some way.  So they needed to get her out fast.  They stopped the Pitocin which they had only given me a small amount.  The doctor was it was time for a c-section.  And given my doctors prefer vaginal births over c-section whenever possible, I knew it was time to go.

All of this was happening so fast.  It was pretty dizzying.  I am *really* glad I did a whole lot of reading and took classes.  So I was more prepared.  But it was still really scary.  But as always, I just wanted whatever was best for the baby.

I was taken in for a spinal around 3-3:30.  It wasn't fun of course, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  They had to poke me several times.  The one doc kept saying because of my BMI.  Yep, I know.  I am a fat chick.  It is okay to say it. *laugh*  They ended up having to use a long epidural needle to get it done.

Shortly after that was done, Paul was able to come in and join me.  The c-section itself was just weird.  Because of the spinal I couldn't feel anything.  But there was pressure.  The whole thing just felt really surreal.

It was hard that we didn't get to see anything.  There was a screen so we didn't see the baby being born.  Then she was off to the side for all her tests.  I heard her cry, but couldn't see her.  After what seemed like too long Paul got to see her.  I didn't get to see her until a while after that.  Paul got to hold her and show her to me.  But I was still being worked on so I couldn't hold her.  Even that was only a few minutes before she was whisked off and I had to go to recovery.  *sigh*  I know they needed to close up, but it seemed like an eternity.  And only a glimpse of her. 

I went into recovery.  Unfortunately, I arrived right around shift change.  So I had to wait there until 8:30.  Paul was able to join me and even Kyle for a short time.  But still no baby.  It was really frustrating not to get to see her.

It was really a whirlwind.  We got the ultrasound results around 12:30 and by 5:07 she was born.  That is stunning.  It was all so fast I really had little time to process anything.  Strange after nine months of pregnancy that I should still feel kinda unprepared.  But I did.  And the speed of the birth really gave it a sorta surreal feeling.

The staff at the hospital were amazing.  My day nurse Michelle was so helpful as were several others on staff. My doctor had me stay four nights.  It definitely helped to have the staff to help with so many things.

Pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akkasha/sets/72157622355177475/

Elanor is from the Lord of the Rings.  It was Paul's suggestion.  It is the name of Sam's daughter.  It is the name of a flower that  means sun star.  I like that it is a big ol geeky reference yet also is close to Eleanor so it isn't too wacky for people to handle.  Though she will spend her life spelling it out.  Much like Michele with one 'l'.  *laugh* 

Name Short List:

My Choices:
Gwendolyn
Celeste

Paul's:
Elanor
Christiana (or some variation on Christine as Christian is a family name)

Suggested by Jennifer which both Paul & I Liked:
Kateri

The naming was challenging.  There were more on the list, but this was our short list.  Paul liked a lot of the traditional names.  Many of which I vetoed given that they were too many of them. 

Growing up in a class of 200 students and being one of four Michelles really had me wanting something that wasn't in the top 100 names.  I was always Michele W.  Kinda annoying.  But I also didn't want something so weird that she would spend her life cursing us.  *laugh*

Of course, if we had realized it was Paul's grandfather's birthday before we chose a name, we could have named her Josephine (as his name was Joseph).  That would have been pretty cool as well.

Believe it or not, it has taken me this long to finish this much!  It has been crazy.  I have a deep respect for all those parents out there!  Things really are so busy.  I am hoping that we will start to have more of a schedule.  But we will have to see what comes.

Nearly feeding time again.  Best to sign off now and maybe get this posted!

No baby yet... 

I saw the doctor yesterday.  She says things are progressing.  However I am still only a centimeter dilated.  Though the OB said I was more dilated.  *chuckle*  She did say the baby has shifted down which is progress.  Though I have to admit, I am not sure if she was saying that to make me feel better.  Or if that was actual progress.  *laugh* 

The baby definitely *feels* lower.  Walking is getting to be more fun.  I definitely have the pregnancy waddle going on.  *chuckle*

The doctor is hopeful that the baby will arrive on her own.  But she did have me set up a 40+ week ultrasound for next Monday.  If the baby hasn’t arrived by then, she will induce labor next Wednesday.  She is on duty at the hospital on Wednesdays.  So it would work out well.

I am hoping the baby decides to come of her own accord.  But it seems she is comfy at the moment and isn’t going anywhere in a hurry.  So long as things are healthy, it is good.  Though I also confess the waiting is hard...  I am definitely impatient at this point.

My doctor is on call this weekend.  So that is good news as well.  It means if I go into labor tomorrow or Friday-Sunday, she will be the one on duty.   That is good.  

I am working from home today.  The commute is the hardest part of this anyhow.  And today is one of my light days for the week.  I will go in tomorrow (barring that the baby decides otherwise).  I figure this week is good to use as a run through for everyone that is covering the various tasks.

I am glad I didn't go into labor today.  It is Paul's birthday.  And I really think it is important for the baby to have her own special day.  Paul wouldn't mind sharing.  But I think she might some day.

On the plus side, since she hasn't arrived, Paul and I can go out for to celebrate his birthday with dinner.  (Heaven knows if there was a movie worth seeing, we would do that too.  But it is lame time for movies.)

Today was the due date.  But nada to report.  No contractions.  Seems the baby is not ready to join us yet.

Have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  Hope she sees some progress from the visit last week.

I was reading an article about week 39 on Babycenter.com.

It was talking about various things including things that may help with breastfeeding.

It says:
"'medical-grade' lanolin ointment for tender nipples. (Avoid lanolin if you're allergic to wool.)"

Ummm.  I do have wooly allergies.  *sigh*  So I really am not sure about using the ointment I bought.  Hmmm...

I will try the method of putting some expressed milk on them after feedings.  But it is good to know that the lanolin may not help me.  And better to know that now rather than slathering it on only to wonder why I am getting itch and red!  But just figure it was part of the process.

Thinking I am gonna work from home tomorrow.  I feel okay but the commute it taking a lot of my energy at this point.  And I have things I need to get done for work.  So it is probably better to do it from home now that I have the laptop set up for work.

Other than that, I am feeling okay.  Getting anxious...  Hoping I get to meet the baby girl soon.  *crosses fingers*

Two of nine women in my birthing class have had their water break.  The stats at babycenter say only 8% have that happen. And the highest I heard was 15%.  So my odds are going down. *laugh*  And they both had super fast labor.  Given first time labor averages 18 hours, does that mean I get to make up for their fast labor?!  *chuckle*  I am just teasing.  

Most of the 18 hours are early labor which isn't the intense part you see in all the movies.  *grin*  So who knows.

I did have some sharp cramping on one side this morning.  But I think it was just the stretches I was doing.  

Can you tell?  I am ready to get this started?  Though still way nervous.  I just keep telling myself that women have dealt with labor for thousands of years.  So I can do this.  *smile*  Not sure I completely believe that at the moment, but I just keep trying to keep that in mind.  *laugh*

Paul and I spent the day cleaning and organizing on Sunday.  Things are finally taking shape.  Hooray.

So I was headed in for a shower before bed.  The tub and shower really needed to be cleaned.  So I sprayed it down with the cleaner.  Let it sit.

I went to get in, put my right foot down on the bath mat which has suction cups on the bottom.  I thought it would be fine.  I was way wrong.  It slid and moved. 

I slipped while getting into the shower/bath.  Luckily I was able to grab the towel bar on the sliding glass doors.  So I didn't come down fully.  My upper left leg hit the metal railing for the glass doors.  I was able to save myself from a full fall.

The area of the fall was painful, but I felt that the baby was fine.  I did have a little bit of cramping that night which made me nervous.  But there was no bleeding or any other signs that there was trouble.  So I suspected things were okay.

I called my doctor in the morning.  There was still a little cramping.  But she keeps asking about contractions.  So I keep hoping that is all it is.

The doctor had me come in to check things out.  She checked the baby's heartbeat and did an exam.  Things are completely normal.  No worries.  *smile* 

There hasn't been any change since my visit on Thursday.  Still one centimeter dilated and 50% effaced.  But from what I have read, the onset of labor can change all this pretty slowly or quickly.  So there is really no way to tell when the baby will arrive.  It is only an educated guess at best with these things.

Other than that, I have been tired and my back is aching.  But given it is less than a week before the due date, that isn't bad at all!  *grin* 

I am glad the apartment is in pretty good shape.  Getting things set up Sunday means I am feeling ready for the baby to arrive.  That is definitely a new experience.  Before I was always thinking the baby should wait so things could get set up. *laugh*

My sister got us a changing table.  It is good and solid.  That and the crib are set up in the bedroom.  The rest of the apartment is mostly clean.  And we have most things that we need.  So it feels ready. 

The few big ticket items left that we need are a breast pump and a pack-and-play.  I don't suspect anyone will get those for us.  I also think they are both items that I can wait a little on.  I want to make sure my milk is coming in before I purchase a pump.  (Though it does dawn on me to check about return policies.  I could order the pump but so long as I don't open it, I could probably return it so long as I order from a place with a good return policy.  That way it would be on hand.)

The pack-and-play is a nice thing, but not really needed until we start to travel with her.  That isn't happening for several weeks after she is born.  And even then a blanket & the car seat will be just fine for at least a month or two.

I might have some help buying the items because of work!  I really didn't know if there would be a shower at work.  (One of my coworkers was pregnant but they didn't have one for her, though someone pointed out she went into labor way early so there might have been one in the works that didn't happen.)  There was one on Wednesday.  The department gave me AmEx gift cards so I can pick things up with them.  Hooray!  (The only trouble I have with AmEx gift cards is that they work like a credit card.  So they can be a problem to use online unless the item is under the amount of the card.) 

I did use one at the Upper Breast Side yesterday.  I got two nursing bras and an extender.  It was pretty serendipitous. They came to exactly $100.  Which was what one of the cards was for.  So I took it as a sign and used it.  Terrifying that one of the bras was $60!  I will be ordering online in the future.  But it was good getting someone to fit me so I know my nursing size.  And they do carry really good bras.  So it was worth the money as I should get some good wear out of it.  And I have read that can make such a huge different with comfort.  The other is a sleeping bra.  I was really thinking I didn't need one as I didn't use one during my pregnancy.  But the woman pointed out about leaking.  So probably a good idea to have one.  *laugh*

I am posting this and getting some work done.  There is so much I have to do at work.  Yet I really feel like I am running at half speed this week. *sigh*  It is kinda frustrating but I really don't know what I can do about it.  My brain just isn't as clear as it was BB - Before Baby.  *grin*

All in all, it was a good weekend.

Friday, Paul and I went and checked out a crib from Craigslist.  We ended up buying it.  It was $75, in good condition & convertible from a crib to toddler bed to twin. It is in cherry & a style similar to the one I wanted that Target discontinued.  So that was great.

We picked up a new crib mattress.  So the baby has a place to sleep. Hooray!

Saturday was grey and drizzling.  We decide to head to the NY Ren Faire anyhow.  Weather Underground was saying there was a 50% chance of rain, Weather.com said nearly 100%.  We figured at least this way it was cool enough for me to be able to walk around.  And if worse came to worse, we could just skip the faire and go to a movie in Nyack. 

Turns out the weather was my birthday present.  *grin*  There was some light misting of rain but nothing major.  So the weather was cool and overcast.  It meant that there were no lines at the food vendors!  And the faire wasn't jam packed like it normally is.  There was room to walk and amble.  So I was able to stroll and take my time.  We were able to follow around the Crimson Pirates to the three shows they performed.  (Though we missed about half the first show because I was so pokey getting out of the house!)

We also were able to watch a glass blowing demo which we never watch because of the heat.  With it being cool out, we could enjoy it without sweating to death!  *grin*

Paul gave me a pretty bracelet with iolite stones dangling from it.  It is this really interesting stone that shifts colors according to the light.  It is sometimes purple, sometimes blue, sometimes grey.  He got me a necklace for our anniversary in the same stone. 

We watched Marley & Me which wasn't probably the best move.  I definitely wanted a silly movie. It was for the first 2/3rds.  Then the last third...  *sigh*  Balled like a baby.  It probably wouldn't have hit me so hard, but it got me thinking about Calliope again.

It left me feeling sorta in a funk on Sunday.  I didn't realize that was what it was at first. But it was definitely that I still miss Calliope.  She was a great cat.  And the cat who was with me the longest in my life.  So it shouldn't surprise me at all that there is some lingering sadness. 

It is hardest on nights when I get home and Paul isn't there.  The apartment seems so empty.  Of course, that won't last long with the baby due in less than three weeks now.  *gulp*

It is funny.  A lot of women at this point are counting the days, hoping for an early arrival.  I am still feeling like I need more time. *laugh*  The dip in temperature has *definitely* helped that too.  I feel like if it stays like this, I can actually handle this for a while longer.  Other than my back being cranky, things have been good.  I do have a heel spur, but it has been healing pretty well.  Overall, I have had a fairly easy pregnancy compared to what most women deal with.  So I am feeling pretty blessed.  *smile*

Paul and I were coming home together on the PATH train Wednesday night.  He had his pool league.  I got stuck late at work until 9:30.

There were seats open when I got on the train.  So I took the closest one that was free, sitting next to a guy who seemed less than thrilled that I sat down given he wanted to sprawled out all over the place.  But he went back to reading his Stephen King novel.

I am talking with Paul about filling out some paperwork for HR about working from home.  The main reason I am giving is that I want to breastfeed which is easier from home. Though they do actually have a lactation room at our offices.  But it really isn't the same.

We get off the train.  And Paul points out that when I started talking about breastfeeding, the guy beside me stopped reading the Stephen King book!  *laugh*  He said the guy looked really weirded out about it.

I think that is just way too funny and bizarre.  Horror is good, but breastfeeding is just right out!  *chuckle*  People are bizarre.

 

Figured I should report there was a minor fender bender today.  Paul, the baby and I are all fine.

 

We were on 17, heading back from Buy Buy Baby, going to Kiddie World to check out their cribs.  It is NJ so there was loads of traffic.

 

A car hit the truck that was behind us.  The truck tried to stop, but then hit us.  The traffic was heavy so the truck wasn't going too fast.  But it was fast enough that it pushed in the back door & tire on our Rav4.

 

The car seems fine otherwise.  Don't think there is any body damage other than the back door which is good.  Paul says it is driving fine.

 

We have to pay the deductable.  But if our insurance gets the payment from the guy who started the accident, we might even get the deductible back would be great.

 

The timing of this is less than stellar of course.  But hopefully we will get something back.

 

It does mean we are skipping NY Ren Faire tomorrow.  The insurance company said we can get a rental.  But I really don't want to make the trip tomorrow.  I am thinking home sounds like a better idea.  Kinda too bad as the weather is supposed to be okay.  But I don't know.  Just feeling like home is better right now.

 

The cool thing is the shop is right around the corner.  So it is easy.  We have an appointment at 10:30 tomorrow.  So the process should be underway soon.

 

I was talking diwriter who  mentioned her mom is making her eldest child a bedding set as she couldn't find anything she liked.

So it got me thinking about bedding.  I haven't found anything that wowed me in a price I was willing to pay.

For some reason, I thought to look at etsy.  It really started just out of curiosity.  There are some smaller blankets I have added to the registry that are way more affordable than I would have thought.  A lot are pretty fun.  Kinda went a little crazy honestly.  I will pull some items off as heaven knows I don't need a gazzilion little blankets!

All the looking got me on a tangent.  I can sew.  Would it be so hard to make a crib blanket? 

I came across one on etsy that had a fabric that was kinda interesting.  So I started looking at the fabric designer.  Which lead me further astray to quilting fabric sites.  Where I found this:

http://www.fatquartershop.com/store/stores_app/Browse_Item_Details.asp?sid=2819841757292819&Store_id=499&page_id=23&Item_ID=28413&Parent_Ids=

Eric Carle fabric!!  That is very cool!

Now I am tempted to order the fabric and make some bedding.  A standard crib blanket is 45 by 60 inches .  So a couple yards...

I am soooo on crack!  *laugh*  I have never quilted.  Don't really want to start *right now*. (Have enough knitting on my plate before she arrives as it is!)  But heaven knows it is tempting to just do something simple like.  That fabric in the middle and maybe an edge in a matching red or something.  Just line the back with something soft and plush (though not too fuzzy).

What on earth am I thinking??!  *shakes head*

Stop me NOW!  *laugh*

Oh no...  I just realized I have yards of fabric I bought for bridesmaids dresses.  It is burgundy.  But I don't think it is machine wash.  So I am safe.  *grin*

Friday, July 24, 2009

Calliope is gone.

She hadn’t been eating since the little bit she ate earlier in the week.  She had been getting more and more lethargic.

Last night she slept in the bed with us.  I spent a lot of time petting her and just spending time with her.  I woke up about 4 and pet her some more. 

When I got out of bed, I took her to the litter box.  She used it, but then laid down in it.  If you know cats, that is never a good thing.  I tried giving her some anchovy paste and a can of one of the few cat foods she ate as things got worse.  But she didn’t eat either.  She also wasn’t drinking water.

I called the vet when the office opened at 9.  I asked if there was anything to do to help.  She said the steroids would have done bad things with the hypertension.  She offered to have us try them.  But also pointed out that could make her heart give out.  And it was a temporary boost. 

I sat on the couch with Calliope for a while, petting her.  I told her if she wanted another day with us, just stay put, but if she thought it was time to go...  Before I could even finish, she was off the couch and crawling under the chair to her hiding spot.  It is the spot she has been using since she has the hypertension make her blind.  Though her sight was back, she still was using the spot pretty much most of the time since then.

So it was time...

The vet said she thought it was the right decision.  She believed we had done all we could for her.  It was good to hear that.

She was an amazing cat.  I am glad I got to be her keeper for over 11 years.  That is the longest time I have gotten to have a cat with me. 

I met her at Bide-a-Wee.  I had the two feral cats I got from someone who pulled them off the street.  They were clearly not meant to be housecats, so I was returning them that weekend.  She climbed all over me when I was getting time with her.  She loved to perch.  It was one of her favorite things.  She was constantly climbing up me, onto my shoulder or something.  Or on to the highest point in the room.  She did less of it as she got older and the kidney issues got worse.  But she would still sleep perched on my thing at night or the back of the chair in the bedroom.  And in the living room, she would perch on the arm of the couch beside me most of the time.  Given she hadn’t since done any of that since the hypertension hit so hard, it made me know she wasn’t well.

If I hadn’t already adopted her, I honestly don’t know if I would have gotten another cat.  While trying to get the feral cats back to the rescue place, one of them got scared and scratched me up very badly.  It got very infected and I spent 5 days in the hospital on IV antibiotics.  Luckily, Bide-a-Wee held her for me while I was in the hospital.

She was the most talkative cat I have ever known.  She used to chatter away all the time.  It was a wonderful thing to have her keeping me company.  Even when I lived as the only person in my apartment, I was never alone with her there.

She was one of the most beautiful cats I have known.  It isn’t just me being biased.  I had a lot of people tell me how gorgeous she is.  I should dig up some pictures and share them.

There are a couple on my webpage that I never update:
http://akasha.freeshell.org/misc/scrapbk/scrapbk5.html

She has been a terrific companion.  I am going to miss her something awful.  But I also didn’t think her quality of life was good.  And I really didn’t want her suffering.  She was taking 4 different drugs, 3 in the morning and 4 at night.  She hated the drugs.  She also had the fluid treatments which helped for a long time and seemed to bring her a good quality of life.  But recently, not so much.  We also switched to fluids every day.  We had started with every other day.  So she was going through so much on a daily basis.

I am glad she is not suffering any more.  I will miss her dearly.

Went to see the orthopedist this morning.  Got a clean bill of health.  No more braces.  Hooray!

I need to learn to nap. I am completely exhausted today.  I should have gone to bed earlier last night.  Now I am barely awake. 

Being out in the heat to get the orthopedist  this morning sapped my last bit of strength.  And WTF is up with a cab with no AC?!  I took the cab because I couldn't bare to sweat like a pig in the walk to the doctor.  The cab didn't help nearly as much with no AC.  

Calliope is so so.  Didn't eat much yesterday.  Has mostly been sleeping.  I didn't have her in the bedroom last night.  The night before I had charley horses in both my calves.  One time it work her and sent her flying across the room. So I figured I needed the sleep more than she needed company.  I will probably have her back in the bedroom tonight.

Still feeling uncertain what approach is best with her at this time.  I think the infection in her nose has cleared up some which is very good.  But I fear unless she gets some more energy back soon, it still may be time to say goodbye.  As I said, I just don't want her suffering.

Okay.  No tears.  Need to get work done.  Time to focus on that.

I am happy to report that Calliope ate a bit last night.  Not tons, but some thing.  She also ate some this morning.  So I am happy with that.

We let her sleep in the bed last night.  After wetting the bed twice in one night a while back, we had been keeping her out of the bedroom.  Paul jokingly said something to the vet on Sunday about kitty diapers.  Turns out they have them.  So he was sweet enough to get some yesterday. 

She seemed happy and comfy getting to sleep on the bed. Though not overjoyed with moving around with the diaper. Around 3, I got up to use the bathroom.  She had gone back out in the living room. So I took off the diaper (which she didn't seem to use) and closed the door again.  Figure better safe than sorry with that. 

I got a good night's sleep which was good.  Things are seeming better today.

At this point, we can only wait and see.  I am hoping the antibiotics are helping with the infection. And perhaps it will help the crud in her nose so she will want to eat more with time.  But I am also aware that with her bloodwork there is limited time left with her.  What matters is that she is comfortable.  So I will just keep an eye on her and see what comes.

It is 5:00 am and I am in front of a keyboard.  This can’t be good.  *sigh*

Calliope had her follow up with the ophthalmologist at 5:00 on Sunday.  The good news is that her retinas are reattached.  Her vision is back.  We had been hopeful as she was tracking things with her eyes and they responded to light.  So that was great news.

Though her blood pressure was now in the 80s.  Too low.  So they told me to cut back the medicine to once a day and come back in a month.

However, I noticed some crud in one nostril. I tried to clear it out on Friday.  When I cleared the stuff at the edge of the nostril, there was white crud, thick and really smelly.

Calliope wasn’t eat as well.  I just figured it was with the smelly crud in her nostril that she didn’t want food.  The ophthalmologist said we could see one of the emergency vets.  So we did.

The woman was very sweet.  She said they really should do some blood work to see what was happening.  I agreed to it.  I figured that her next bloods needed to be done right around the time of the baby being born.  So doing them now might be helpful on both levels.

Since the place we went is an emergency clinic, the vet said we would have the blood work in an hour to an hour and a half.  Paul wisely suggested I should get something to eat.  So the vet took Calliope.

When we got back, they had us go into an exam room.  The vet came back in and told us that her blood work showed that she is extremely anemic.  Her HCT was 16.  The vet said that it could be caused by a whole shopping list of reasons.  They said anything below 20 they strongly suggested an immediate blood transfusion.  That would require staying overnight and cost $2000.  Thing is that wouldn’t solve the problem.  It would just give her more time.

The vet was very kind, saying that given all Calliope has gone through, it was reasonable not to pursue the transfusion.  She told me that she would suggest I could take Calliope home and enjoy whatever time she has left.  She said to give her whatever food she would eat, suggesting Fancy Feast.  She said it might shorten the time but if she would eat it, that was okay.

She gave us some antibiotics as well.  Some of the blood work showed an infection as well.  So that could have a bearing on things.  I asked how much time Calliope had left.  She didn’t know.  Could pass in the night.  Could be around several weeks.

I said the most important thing was I didn’t want Calliope to be in pain.  She said she didn’t believe she was.  She did offer to give Calliope a pain killer.  But she seemed to feel that would be better for my worry than really helping Calliope.  So I said no.

On the way home we stopped and got her some Fancy Feast.  I gave it to her in the car.  I thought she ate some, but when I got to see it, she really hadn’t eaten much at all.  The vet did say that if she didn’t want even the Fancy Feast that the end might be pretty close. 

I also tried some of the A/D we have at home.  It is a high calorie food they gave us when she wasn’t eating.  She usually loves the stuff.  She took maybe a bite, but that was it. 

Turns out they have kitty diapers.  I would like to give her a night of sleeping in the bed.  But unfortunately, none of the pet stores were open by the time we left the clinic.  So I kinda figured we can try that tomorrow night.  But I woke up around 4 after not getting to sleep until about 1-2.  (We didn’t get home until almost 10:30 and then I was too wired to sleep for a while.)  I figured I would try sleeping on the couch in hopes she might want to climb on my hip to sleep.  She hasn’t come out from the spot she likes.  I tried sleeping on the floor so I was closer.  But that didn’t work so well either.

I spent some time petting her which was good. But after three days with no food, she is pretty listless.  I did feel some purring however.  So that was nice.

The trouble is that I really don’t know what to do.  I should go into work today.  I have a lot of post-conference stuff to accomplish.  I am also meeting with HR at 3:00 about maternity leave.  But I know I will be comatose at this point.  But I don’t know that staying home will really help either.  I don’t know if giving a day or two for the antibiotics to kick in will help.  I also don’t know if her blood pressure getting back to something normal will help as well.  The ophthalmologist said it being that low can make her nauseous so she might not want to eat.  So maybe as it level out, she will eat something.

All this comes back to I don’t want her to suffer.  That is critical.

However, there is also all the other stuff going on.  Tuesday is the infant CPR class Paul and I have signed up for.  Problem is I had to give them a deposit.  And I fear we would lose that.  But if things get worse, I may need to have her put to sleep.  And all that is about how Calliope is feeling. And I just can’t tell.  We have the other half of the course on Friday.  I will call tomorrow to check if I can change the time of those.  But given they fill up fast, it is unlikely. 

Also, I also have an appointment with the orthopedist about my wrists on Thursday   But I can reschedule that if need be.  Of course, this isn’t even going into all the post-conference work I have to get done.  When all I want to do is cry and not stop.  I can just tell I am going to look so lovely going into work today.  *sigh* 

I think I am going to give the cat some pets then get back into bed.  I really do need some more sleep.  I am not sure I will be able to.  But I am so wiped at this point, I am hoping to just collapse into bed for a few hours.

I really don’t want to say goodbye to Calliope.  But I do not want her to suffer.  I have had her for 11 years now, a year longer than I have even been with Paul.  She has been a great companion.  I want to do everything I can for her.  But it is so hard to know what is the right choice right now. 

I really was going to try and make a long story short.  But I realize I am just terrible at that.

The short version is Calliope had some trouble.  Hopefully it isn’t permanent. But there is a 20% chance she won’t have a full recovery.  But hey, there is an 80% chance she will.  And given I was crying most of the morning thinking this was her end, I am feeling relieved.

Now for the longer version.

Paul and I went away from a half day Thursday through Monday for the 4th of July.  This was our last weekend away before the baby arrives.  So we wanted to have it be a longer one.

We left Calliope with a bunch of moist food and some of the dry.  The vet recommends against the dry because of her kidney problems.  But we figured she needed something to eat while we were gone. (And yes, next time we go away for longer than two days, she will have a cat sitter checking on her. )

We gave her the IV fluids on Monday through Wednesday.  The vet told us that we only have to give her the IV fluids every two days. But since we were going away, we figured it made sense to have her extra juicy.

We headed off and had a wonderful weekend.

When we got home, she was talking a lot.  But that is pretty normal of her.  We gave her the IV fluids.  I figured things were good.

I woke up at about 5:30 to find she had wet the bed.  This has happened a few times before.  So I stripped the bedding and tried to sleep again.  Though not very successfully.  So I was super tired yesterday. 

Around 7:30, Paul yelled that she had wet the bed again.  That is unheard of with her.  I was worried.  I also noticed her pupils were super dilated.  All black with just a slight ring of color.

We gave her IV fluids again last night and hoped she would be improved.   When I got up, her eyes were just as dilated as the day before.  I really had hoped for improvement. But it was clear she wasn’t getting better.  I had done some online checking.  And with her kidney trouble, the eyes could indicate hypertension which can lead to blindness.  I was really scared for her.  So I knew I should get her into the vet.

The problem is my work conference is next week.  I really shouldn’t be out of the office at all.  But I knew if I took a wait and see about change that I wouldn’t be able to get her to the vet until Friday at the earliest.  So I figured I would get in at 9 and see what we could learn.

I took her to the vet who told me that both of Calliope’s retinas were detached.  The vet was fairly certain the cat was nearly/completely blind.  She strongly recommended seeing an ophthalmologist ASAP. She gave me a list of them.

The vet said that there could be various reasons for the cause of the eye issues. She said many of which were painful.  The ophthalmologist could determine if Calliope was in pain and make suggestions based on that.  She also spoke of managing the pain if there was some.

To me, that didn’t bode well. I knew if Calliope was in more pain on top of the kidney trouble, it might be time to let her go.  I really didn’t want to have that happen.  But she is at least 12-13 years old.  She might be older as I got her from a rescue place that estimated her age at 1-2.  With my last cat Frieda, she was probably even older than what the rescue place told me according to the vets I saw with her.  So honestly, all I can be sure of with Calliope is I got her in Feb. 1998.  So she is at least 12, but could be older.

It is hard to think about losing her.  But I have thought of it back when she had the bad trouble with her kidneys about a year ago.  It is hard not to feel like she is already living on borrowed time.

Paul didn’t want to drive into the city with the cat.  I said I could take the PATH in.  But he said since the vet said there was one in NJ that was a strong second choice, we should go there.  We got a 1:00 appointment.

I have to say that the Garden State Veterinary Specialists http://www.gsvs.org/staff/ophth.html is a good facility. They saw us right on time and were really nice. 

The ophthalmologist took a look at Calliope.  She said the retina detachment is a morning glory one.  She said there was no bleeding which is a great sign.  She told us it was from hypertension.  They took Calliope’s blood pressure and it was 220 which is high.  She told us 110 was good and at a vet 160 was pretty normal.  The vet said she had seen cats with it as high as 300 which was into stroke territory.  Luckily, Calliope’s wasn’t that high.

She said that with medication the blood pressure should go down.  There is an 80% chance that Calliope will regain her sight without surgery, just with treatment with the drugs.  That is really terrific news.  I was so scared after talking with the vet in Jersey City that Calliope would probably remain blind and possibly in pain.  And honestly, I didn’t know what I would do then. 

We got her the drugs for hypertension.  So she has taken some of that.  It is actually the same thing they give to people so we just have to go to local pharmacy for the drugs.  That is sorta nice.  I am really hopeful that that will help her and she will regain her vision.

It is challenging knowing what to do though.  Given she can’t see it is hard to know what she needs help with and what she should find on her own.  The ophthalmologist suggested confining her to a room.  The problem is that we really don’t want to move her litter box.  She sometimes misses it a bit.  So it is best to keep it on the tile in the bathroom.  But I really don’t think keeping food and bedding in there is a good idea.

We did a compromise.  We put the food & her water fountain in the hall outside the bathroom with a pillow.  I figured that way she would have an area where she would be close to everything.

Problem is that she keeps walking back to where her water fountain and food bowl *were* not where they are now.  I figure I will leave them where they are for a day or so to see if she adapts.  But if she keeps going over there, it only makes sense to put it back where she knows it is.

Of course, part of the issue is that our living room, kitchen/dining area & hall are really all one space.  We have the living room sorta blocked off a bit by furniture.  But she prefers a chair in the living room right now.  She was hiding under it yesterday and this morning.  But now she is laying in it (which is more normal for her).  I figure at this point it is all about whatever makes her most comfortable.  And hey, I am glad she is climbing up in the chair.

We have been closing off the bedroom since the whole bed thing happened.  I am thinking we might want to get a baby gate for the door since we will need one anyhow at some point in the future.  That would allow the AC from the bedroom to circulate out into the other area as well.  We have a smaller unit in the living room window.  But it isn’t as powerful.

We have a follow up appointment next Sunday.  They wanted us to come back in 7-10 days.  But my work conference is Monday-Thursday.  The ophthalmologist isn’t in on Fridays.  So the next appointment was Sunday.  That is 11 days, but I think that will be okay.  I really hope there is some improvement.  *crosses fingers*

I kept worrying about the baby’s affect on the cat.  It seems I should be worrying about her affect on herself!

I think tonight needs to be an early night.  I am so drained from the crying earlier in the day.  It always makes me kinda tired. But with it being week 29, it is even more challenging.

Time for dinner & a silly movie.

I went to the orthopedist today.  He seems pleased with the progress.  He pressed on various parts of my wrists and there wasn't pain.  There was two areas on the left side where there was some tenderness, but not pain.  Everything else was fine.

I can take the braces off while indoors.  He told me to wean myself off them.  I can also  get back to lifting things, but advised to start off slow.  And he said not to overdo it.

He said I should keep them on when outdoors. I should wear them in subways/trains and other crowded places likes stores.  But I honestly don't feel at all bad wearing them while I am out and about.  Mind you, it still *never* has gotten me a seat on the PATH.  Between the pregnancy & braces, I really thought someone would give up a seat at least once by now!  But nope.

It is great knowing they can come off at other times.  Hooray!  I just have to remember to take it easy.  Of course, I currently want to spend the entire weekend cleaning which is a bad idea given he said *eeeeeaaaaasssssseeeee* back into things.  *pout*

It is good news that I can pull things.  My backpack has wheels.  So I can now wheel it on the walk to and from the train.  I am hopeful that should help prevent a return of the sciatica.  I keep very little in it, but there are some things I really need for the commute. And hey, I just got the latest Jacqueline Carey book.  And I can't leave that home!  *smirk*

I go back in four weeks.  But it is mainly to see if things are peachy.  I am hopeful that it will be just fine. 

I am feeling okay right now.  Well, other than pregnancy stuff!  The heat is wiping me out on a daily basis.  I keep wanting to just sleep after being outside for any period of time. *chuckle*  But honestly, I can't complain given how lucky I have been with the rest of the pregnancy.

I know I know.  I should be working.  I have a bunch of things that have to be done before I can leave today.

Of course, am I do them?  Nope.  *sigh*

The good news is that I signed up for two classes at Roosevelt that will be useful.  One is child care/feeding/CPR.  The other is breastfeeding.  The feeding segment will cover breastfeeding as well.  But it seems they cover different things.

So of course that has gotten me wondering about breastfeeding even more.  So I have been researching breast pumps.  I know I have time before I need that.  And I really should wait to make a decision on which on until after the classes.

But of course, being me, I want to figure it out now so I can put it on the registry.  Not that I think anyone is going to actually buy me a $200-300 item.  I am not that stupid.  But I still want to see what is up with it.

If you are someone who doesn't want too much info, stop reading now. *grin*

( To continue... )

Okay.  It is now almost 7.  I *really* have to get to work on work stuff or I am never leaving the office today.

Need to get a whole lot of work done right now.  So this is short. 

Called the doctor.  Good news!  No gestational diabetes!  All the other blood work looks normal.  So all good!

Damn.  I was going to post something about thifty shopping for baby stuff.  I was feeling proud.  But that all seems less important now.

My sister Millie is in the hospital.  She tripped on Saturday and broke her shoulder.   She had a stroke several years ago and doesn't have use of one of her arms.  So now with the other side broken, she can't use either. 

They were also worried that she might have had another stroke.  They are running tests.  But  it seems the shoulder caused too much pain for them to complete the MRI they were doing .  So tomorrow they are giving her a general to knock her out for an MRI.  Doesn't sound good to me.

Her ex husband who is still very close with her and me fell last Friday.  I got told he broke his back, but then told it was a fracture.  But he was released from the on Sunday with a brace.  So I think it was definitely a fracture.

I am going to head to CT tomorrow.  I have half day Fridays during the summer. I have something I have to do right after work, but then Paul and I will head up there.

I really want a nap right now...  *sigh*  The rain was already making me feel sleepy.  But now I feel even more exhausted.  But I have a ton of work that I have to get done before I can leave today.  So I think I will be leaving late as it is.